Does Anal Sex Hurt?
Anal sex is growing in popularity among couples of all genders and sexual preferences. Unfortunately, lots of people are missing out on this sexual position due to the many myths and misconceptions that are still present in our society.
One of the main concerns couples seem to have when it comes to anal sex is whether it will be painful. Both men and women are concerned about how pleasurable anal sex will actually be, with many thinking it will be more uncomfortable than anything.
This fear is holding a lot of couples back from improving their sex lives and experimenting with different positions.
This article is going to answer the age-old question of whether anal sex hurts, as well as informing you on how to make the most out of this position no matter what you are into.
Does Anal Sex Actually Hurt?
There are so many myths and misconceptions that are still present in our society when it comes to anal sex.
Pain during anal sex is perhaps the biggest concern among both men and women when it comes to this position. However, we are here to dispel this myth today.
In most cases, if you have prepared well, anal sex does not hurt.
In fact, many people find this position to be very pleasurable and can reach orgasm through it. This is only the case if you use a lot of lubrication and spend some time getting your body prepared.
Of course, it is likely that those having anal sex for the first time may experience a little bit of discomfort. This is simply because you are trying something new and the body is not used to it.
But any kind of sex should not feel painful. When you spend time on foreplay, getting lubricated, and being close with your partner, you can enjoy any position that tickles your fancy.
It is important to remember that the anus is a lot tighter than the vagina. The vagina will be lubricated and wider when a woman becomes aroused, which is how penetrative sex is possible. This is not the case for the anus, which is why more preparation is needed here.
Over time, the muscles in the anus will stretch, making anal sex easier and more pleasurable.
As long as you are persistent and patient, you can enjoy having anal sex regularly with your lover.
How To Make Anal Sex More Comfortable
There are some things you can do from the very beginning that will make anal sex more comfortable and pleasurable. These include:
- Be realistic
You should never expect anal sex, or any kind of sex for that matter, to look like it does in porn. There is no way that you can just jump right into having anal sex – especially if it is your first time.
You need to make sure you are prepared, lubricated and excited to have anal sex in order for it to be a success.
Try to ignore all of the images you may have seen online about how anal sex is 'supposed' to look. Instead, focus on how you and your partner feel and enjoy every sensation.
- Start talking
When we talk about getting prepared for anal sex, we also mean talking about it with your lover.
Having open communication about sex is a very important part of a trusting and healthy relationship. Before even trying to have anal sex, you need to know whether you and your partner are on the same page.
Open the conversation and ask your partner what they want to try. You need to make sure that you are both interested and excited about trying anal sex.
Sex should be pleasurable for everyone involved – this will not be the case if your partner does not want to try the same positions as you. You should never pressure or force your lover to try something new.
Being open and honest with each other is an excellent way to feel comfortable with sexual experimentation.
- Start slow
It is not possible for you to jump into having full anal intercourse right away.
You need to take some time to prepare your body and stretch the sphincter muscles so it will feel good for both you and your partner.
This means taking things slow. Start incorporating anal play into your regular sexual routine. Start small with fingers, sex toys, or narrow butt plugs. A lot of couples like to experiment with rimming, which is using your mouth and tongue around the anus.
The sphincter is a muscle that will stretch over time. Like all of the other muscles in your body, it needs to be exercised and trained in order to be strong enough to handle everything you want to do.
- Use tools
Stretching the sphincter doesn’t have to take a long time. This process will be easier if you incorporate some tools into the bedroom.
There are specific anal dilation kits that you can purchase, which will help you track your progress and stretch the anal muscles enough for sex.
You can also use sex toys, fingers, or even use your partner's penis to get your anus ready for sex. You will still need to take it slow, which means only inserting the tip of any of these things into the anus at first.
With practice and persistence, you will be able to gradually increase how deep you go and how much girth you can take. Keep playing until you feel comfortable.
Before trying anal sex, it is a good idea to purchase some anal sex toys, butt plugs, or other tools that are used specifically for this area. It is recommended that you insert these tools partway into the anus around five or six times before trying to go any deeper.
It can actually take several weeks for you to build up to having full anal intercourse, no matter what your initial comfort level is.
Why Does Anal Sex Hurt?
If you have tried anal sex before, then you may not be convinced by our claims that it doesn’t hurt.
A lot of people who try to have anal sex for the first time will experience some form of discomfort which has prevented them from wanting to try it again. As we have already mentioned, it is possible for this position to be uncomfortable - especially when you try it for the first time.
The main reason for pain or discomfort during anal sex is a tight sphincter muscle. This is very common and most people will experience this in the beginning.
The anal muscles are much tighter than the vagina, which is why it can be quite difficult to insert a toy, finger, or penis into this area. The anal muscles need time to stretch, relax and become wide enough for you to enjoy anal sex.
This is why it is so important for you to be persistent and patient when trying to have anal sex. The sphincter muscles can become flexible over time, but this will not happen overnight.
As we have already mentioned, starting slow is an excellent way to go if you want to get into having anal sex.
Although it is normal for there to be a little bit of pain or discomfort the first few times you try anal sex, it could also be a sign of something else like:
- An undetected problem
This may seem extreme, but sometimes pain during sex can be a sign of an undetected problem.
This is only likely to be the case if the pain is constant and happens every time you try to have anal sex.
If this is the case, we would recommend going to see your doctor or gynecologist. They should be able to examine you and see whether there are any undetected problems that are causing issues during your bedroom activities.
If there is an issue, getting it seen to sooner rather than later will improve your recovery time.
- Your mental attitude
Sometimes, we experience issues in the bedroom because we just aren’t really into the sex we are having.
Believe it or not, the brain is actually the biggest sexual organ. This is especially the case for women. You need to be fully turned on and excited in order to have good sex, no matter what position you are trying.
If you feel uncomfortable or even disgusted by the idea of anal sex, then it is unlikely that you will be having a good time during it. Without interest, you will not be able to get yourself excited and turned on by the prospect of trying something new.
This is why it is so important for you to have open communication with your partner.
Talk about the things that turn you on, the things you want to try and the things you aren’t interested in doing. Together you can work to have a healthy, satisfying and exciting sex life that is tailored to you.
Everyone has their own tastes and turn-ons, so what works for your lover may not work for you. Being able to talk about what you are into will ensure that you will be having good and safe sex.
- A lack of lube
The anus is very different from the vagina in the fact that it doesn’t produce it’s own lubrication when a woman becomes aroused.
The vagina is fully prepared to have sex, as it becomes wet and wide when a woman is aroused. The anus, however, is tighter and noticeably dryer.
This is why lube is such a crucial part of anal sex.
You want to make sure that you are using a lot of lube in and around the anus, especially if this is your first time trying the position.
Try to keep the lube on hand during anal sex so you can top up when necessary as your body will not be doing this naturally.
- A 'full' feeling
Anal sex offers new and unique experiences, which some people may find to be uncomfortable at first.
During anal penetration, most people will experience a 'fullness' feeling in the anus and rectum. This can be quite uncomfortable at first and is often present because you are not used to having anal sex yet.
It could be a sign that something is wrong, especially if it is accompanied by a lot of pain. This is something that your doctor will be able to address and hopefully treat if you speak to them.
In most cases, this full feeling should go away over time and be replaced with great feelings of pleasure.
Taking some time to stretch out the sphincter muscles and using a lot of lube should ensure that anal sex is not that painful for you, even during your first few tries. Anal sex does take a lot of preparation and practice in order for you to get it right, so just be gentle with each other.
If you find that the pain or discomfort doesn't subside over time, then it is time to seek medical help.
It is always better to be safe than sorry, so speak to your doctor about your issues. They can find any problems you may have and get them treated.
It is also important to remember that anal sex just isn’t for everyone. If you feel as though you are not interested or are not experiencing that much pleasure from this position, then you do not have to keep trying to do it.
Simply focus on what feels good for you and enjoy the experience.
How To Make Anal Sex Feel Good
Now that you know the basics of anal sex, how to make it feel good and what to do if it hurts, we need to take a closer look at this position.
There are some rules that apply to anal sex that you should make yourself and your partner aware of. These are very important things to remember when trying anal sex or any other sexual position you've never tried before.
- Talk to your partner beforehand, so you understand what you're both on the same page when it comes to anal sex. Keep this conversation going throughout your relationship with regards to sex and experimentation
- Try anal play when you are masturbating. You can use your fingers or sex toys to stimulate the anus and see whether it is right for you
- Make sure to use a lot of lubrication when performing an anal play, whether that is with a partner or on your own
- Take your time when trying anal sex and never try to rush the process even if you have done it a lot
A good way to get your head around anal sex is to think about it like touching your toes or another form of exercise. The first time you try to touch your toes, or jogging, or yoga poses, it feels uncomfortable and too difficult.
Most of the time, the first time you try to do something, it doesn't work out. It can even cause some pain as your body stretches into new positions.
However, over time and with constant practice, you will see that your muscles have stretched and the position you want to try is a lot easier. This is the case when we talk about touching your toes, jogging, or having anal sex.
This is because the sphincter muscles in the anus need time to relax and stretch.
With practice and persistence, these muscles will get slightly wider over time. This is why it can take a while for anal sex to come easily to you and your partner.
You do need to be aware that even after you have gotten 'used' to have anal sex, things can still go wrong.
There are some days when things just don't work out, and anal sex doesn't feel good. If this is the case, stop trying to have sex in this position and move to something more comfortable instead.
This is totally normal, and something most couples will experience at some point in their relationship.
Pain During Anal Sex
No matter what kind of sexual position you are trying, there should never be any major pain.
It is common for you to feel uncomfortable when trying anal sex or a new position for the first time, but the pain is another matter altogether. Pain during sex could be a sign that something is wrong in your body, in which case you should speak to a medical professional.
Pain during sex in most cases is just a hindrance – unless it is something you are doing deliberately because you both enjoy it. It can spoil the experience, as sex is best when everyone involved is having a good time.
If you experience a stinging sensation or the feeling of friction during anal sex, then it is likely to be a sign that you aren't using enough lube. Lubrication is very important for a pleasurable anal sex experience.
You should keep the lube on hand when trying anal sex so you can top up when necessary.
If you don’t do this, you will be unable and maybe unwilling, to go further (and deeper) during anal play. This may make you not want to try it again and then leave you missing out on brilliant pleasure.
If you experience pain that feels a lot deeper during anal sex, then this is likely to be connected to your muscles. This is commonly a sign that the muscles in your anus are not yet loose enough for penetration.
When this happens, you will need to go back to the beginning.
Take things slow and start working on your anal muscles during masturbation or couple's play. Use fingers, tounges, or sex toys to get your body used to anal sex before gradually increasing the depth and girth.
How To Have Anal Sex Without Pain
An ultimate goal for a lot of couples is to have pain-free anal sex. This is a great way to spice up your sex life and open yourself up to a new form of pleasure.
It is important to note that this may take some time, so you will need to be patient. Rest assured that all of your efforts will be worth it in the end!
As well as the tips we have already given throughout this review, there are a few other things that you can do to ensure that you and your lover have pain-free anal sex.
- Avoid numbing cream
If you experience pain during anal sex, then you may be tempted to try numbing cream to stop this. A lot of couples think this is a good solution to pain during sex, but they couldn’t be more wrong.
Numbing creams during sex can actually cause more harm than good.
When you are numb, you cannot tell whether you are using enough lube or whether your partner has gone too deep. You need to be aware and mindful of what is going on 'down there’ during anal sex to ensure that you are having a fun and safe experience.
- Take care of yourself
Anal sex preparation doesn’t end when you have climaxed. There are some things you need to do to yourself after having anal sex to keep yourself safe and comfortable.
This means that you shouldn’t sit on the toilet and try to squeeze the lube out of your body anally, especially not right after having sex. Your anal muscles need at least 10-15 minutes to relax after being penetrated.
After you have given your body some time to relax, you can then wash your anus and get rid of the lube that way. Use a gentle cleanser and warm water or a wash wipe.
- Don’t panic at the sight of blood
If you find a little bit of blood when cleaning after anal sex, do not worry. If it is just a little bit, then there is nothing to worry about.
This simply means that you haven't used enough lube and there has been some slight tearing to the anal muscles. Next time you have anal sex, use a lot more lube than you did previously and make sure to top up during the act.
If there is a lot of blood or if it doesn’t stop after five minutes, then you will need to see a doctor. This could be a sign of internal damage.
You do not need to feel shy or embarrassed when talking to your doctor about your anus or genital areas. They are there to help, no matter what the issue is and all they want is you to be safe.